Emotional Week

Wow, where do I start, I am not sure where to begin since my last post. I guess we will start with the fact that our 2nd IVF cycle has been postponed until early November. It seems that my body has a mind of it's own and it likes to trump the medicine that the Drs. have me injecting myself with. Of course, that is typical for the strong willed, bull headed self that I am. It was very hard for me to accept last week, but I feel better about it. You see if you remember I prayed for God to show me a sign if it wasn't the time for us to do it, and as my husband so nicely pointed out, this could be His sign, it just came after we were emotionally invested in this cycle. I have to admit he is right, man I hate it when he's right, but none the less I will take this cycle failure as part of God's plan for us. I think a lot of the time we forget to see the big picture, the picture that I am not here on earth to be a mom (although I sometimes like to differ), I am here to glorify God, in everything I do, so if I sit and continuously have a pity party for myself (like I did all day yesterday), how is this glorifying Him? it's not! Now I know that I must allow myself to have these pity parties, but they can't last, I have to keep my mind on the task at hand not what I want my task to be. I do want to say that I believe being mad at God is ok and throwing a big ole party (pity that is), is ok, I believe that it promotes intimacy with Him. I tell him that I am mad, and frustrated, and don't understand, but in the end He tells me to trust in Him and one day (and it might not be until I am in heaven), but one day I will understand. So for now, that's what I am going to do, I am going to put my big girl panties on, and focus on the task at hand, to glorify my savior!

Thanks for listening and for the prayers, I know God hears our prayers,
Samantha