Paul's Second Blog Post

Samantha asked me to write another blog post this weekend, at that time I didn’t know what I would want to write about. As I have thought about it, my thoughts keep drifting to the journey that we have been on to get to this point. I think about her writing the names of our unborn children on the church bulletin as her mind would drift during a sermon. I think about the children’s books that have been sitting in a nightstand drawer that we will now proudly display on a bookshelf in our son’s nursery. I think about the big blue bag full of needles, syringes, and unused medicine that represents many months of hoping, praying, trying, and crying. I think about all of the ups and downs that we have had, the bottles of red wine and beer, the moments where I knew that I couldn’t say or do anything to make her feel any better but I would try my hardest anyway.

But the thoughts that I have had the most revolve around the remarkableness of my wife and the God we serve. Both of which I have grown closer than ever to during the process of becoming pregnant.

I am a man that never met his biological father, I haven’t even seen a picture of him but I am a man that was never short on fatherly influences in my life. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike from my biological father but from an uncle. I didn’t learn to throw a baseball from my biological father but from a coach. I didn’t learn to love and serve my wife regardless of health from my biological father but from my stepfather, who I love like a father. My biological father didn’t teach me that money isn’t the most important thing in life, but God, family, and friends are, I learned it from watching my adopted father live his life, a man I also love like a father. Let me not forget the ever present person in my life that taught me more lessons than I have room to list here, my mother, who took on whatever role I needed when I needed it. She taught me that regardless of what life gives us, it is up to us to make the best of it, to persevere. To lean on and trust in God and everything will be alright, which has been an invaluable lesson over the last two plus years. None of these people are flawless, but they all share a common trait, they were put into my life by God to help mold me into the man that I am today. God has been pouring his grace and love over me since before I was born, when I look back I can see His hand guiding me along my course. I don’t always see this in my day to day life, but looking back there is no question that He is there.

Now I am blessed to be bringing a child of my own into this world. I will be the man that gets to teach him how to ride a bike, throw a baseball, and how to be a loving and Godly husband. I get to teach him that if he falls down seven times he needs to stand up eight. I pray that I am up to the task. I pray that when I fail, that he will learn the lessons to be learned despite my imperfections. I pray that I am the father that all of the influences in my life have taught me to be.

Samantha has carried the bulk of the burden during our pregnancy journey. She was the one being constantly examined, poked, and prodded. She felt the brunt of the failures first and then passed them on to me. She has handled everything thrown at her with a grace and determination that I never knew existed inside of her. I knew she was a strong willed and determined woman but there were times when I thought we were already past our limits in terms of disappointments and failures. She never wavered, giving up was never an option for her. She found strength in God and I found strength in her. I can’t put into words how remarkable she truly is. She is the love of my life and I thank God for her every day.

The last six months have been so awesome. Samantha is now carrying our child, our answered prayer, the answer to so many people’s prayer. It has been so much fun watching her grow, literally. To see her embrace this experience with the same grace she demonstrated throughout. To watch her pick out clothes and toys and paint colors. To see that everything we have been through has been worth it, to know that when we finally meet little Sam, we would gladly do it all over again.

We owe so much to our friends and families who have been with us every step of the way. We will never be able to fully express our gratitude to all of you who have prayed for us, cried for us, and been there for us through all of this. We wouldn’t have made it without you all. The words of encouragement, the diligent prayer, and outpouring of love all played a major role in us getting to where we are today. We truly do serve a remarkable God and I have a truly remarkable wife. We love you all and can’t wait to introduce little Sam to the world.

Paul