Worst Week Ever

Gosh where do I start...let's see I last posted about our trip to NY. As soon as we got back at the end of May, work told me they were changing my job once again, this is the 2nd time since January. Although I am thankful to have a job, the change could not have happened at a worst time. I won't bore you with the details, but basically work has been non stop and it won't stop for at least another week or so. The entire month of June has been exhausting. As most of you know we were able to do IVF with one embryo. We were disappointed with our results, but didn't give up hope that it might not work out. Last week, in the midst of my worst week at work in a long time, we found out that IVF did not work. Paul and I were needless to say upset, he really thought it would be different this time. I believe I knew our chances weren't great after the eggs were retrieved, but Paul stayed positive the entire time. We quickly had to get over our sadness and face reality once again as our air conditioner decided to break on the hottest couple of days of 2009. We just got a/c back today (Monday) so it was a long 4 days. As the weekend passed, we spent some time in Decatur with my sister Michelle and her family as well as father's day at my inlaws. It was great to see family, but I wasn't in the social mood. As my hormone levels drop from all the medication I have been taking, the emotions & stress from the past month set in. Although I have accepted that we will not be parents right now, it's still hard to find the answer to "why" because other than the saying "God's timing" I am at a loss (I do realize that it is God's will and timing, but sometimes that's not what you want to hear). We go back to the doctor next week, so I hope to get some questions answered, instead of them telling me everything is picture perfect. I pray that I will release control to God, I pray my ears will listen to what He has to say, and the will of my heart and mind will be to serve God and not focus my attention the desires of my heart, but just present them to God and let it go.

My new motto: Christian Song "I'm letting go" by Francesca Battistelli

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back
Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me