Worth posting again...

As we approach Mother's Day weekend, I am reminded of how hard this weekend use to be for me. Every year I felt that Motherhood was like a sorority, one that I couldn't be a part of, and it was hard. I was so thankful to celebrate with my Mother because she is an awesome Mother, my best friend, but I couldn't help be jealous of my friends and other family. Now I know this weekend will be different for me, I will finally feel like I am a pledge in the sorority but I don't want to forget how it use to be for me, mainly because I don't feel that if you aren't pregnant or don't have children, it doesn't make you not a mother. The things infertile women go through to get to the point of pregnancy, then 9 months of worries, all for God's miracle, makes you a mother in my book. So if you are still struggling with infertility this weekend, know that I am praying for you and don't forget to allow yourself that time to grieve, try and grieve before you are around family and friends or at church, but know you aren't alone, you are prayed for by hundreds and you are being held by God's hands.

I posted this over a year ago, and it just felt write to post again. I have also added lyrics to a song that I hope helps those who are going through a rough time.

A Wonderful Mother

“There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better in a sense. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.” (to my second child...) Author Unknown

and the song...

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...I never leave Your hands

Much love,
Samantha